The Fund-Raising Phenomenon

Warning – This one is pretty long and it will most likely offend somebody.  Don't say you weren't warned...

So apparently my friend and I both opened up the same can of worms the other day and are right now really glad that God had us do it together.  Well, I’m not sure “together” is the right word as we are in completely different states and opened the cans in completely different areas of our lives for completely different reasons, but we’re together in analyzing the responses to said cans so I’m going to stick with TOGETHER after all.  Did you follow that?   No?  Yes?  Maybe I should explain?

Okay, here’s the deal.  Apparently fund-raising for an adoption can be seen as both good and bad.  In my world, I think it is good.  It helps the family, it helps the child, it helps the church be involved with the family and child, it fulfills God’s directive to care for orphans in their distress all while supporting our brothers and sisters in Christ.  But I seriously doubt that my opinion or views on this topic would surprise anyone at this point so let me share some of the other side. 

I won’t go as far as to say that some feel adoption fund-raising is “taboo”, it just seems that there are many out there who feel that the financial burdens of an adoption are part of the commitment to adopting in the first place and thus the responsibility to bear such burdens falls upon the shoulders of the adopters.   This would mean paying for fees out of your personal bank accounts, taking out loans, applying for grants, using credit where necessary, etc.  And it is not so much that there is bad blood between people with these differing views, but more of a “you’re not living up to your responsibilities” kinda vibe coming from the do-it-yourself group if that makes sense.

Now, let me put a quick disclaimer in here and say that in no way are these two groups inclusive of all those with views on adoption, nor do people fall definitively within one category.  There are several shades of gray here and many people who see both sides of the coin, as well as the situational impact which is different for every single adoption.  This is our third time on this ride and each one has been very different, so please don’t think that I am speaking in absolutes.   I’m just trying to work through the experiences that my friend and I have had these past couple weeks.

So, let’s get back to those worms.  My friend’s family is currently in the end-stages of an international adoption.  They are waiting for their final paperwork from China which should be quickly followed by their travel dates and their actual trip to bring home their sweet little girl.  This family, like ours, is still currently many thousands of dollars shy of having their adoption paid in full and thus are working tirelessly to raise the remaining money they need.  Due to some extenuating health issues my friend’s out-and-about possibilities have been quite limited lately so she decided to turn to Twitter to help get the word out.  Many people have been very responsive and supportive through this effort, but she has also faced a good deal of criticism for fund-raising for adoption expenses.

In my own little world, after a great weekend with a group of friends from Show Hope, I found myself wanting to compile a list of fund-raising ideas that could be shared with other waiting families to help with their adoption expenses.  There are hundreds of families applying to Show Hope for adoption grants and many of those families are also curious about other things they might do to cover the costs.  So, in an effort to start this list I sent out a request to all of my adoptive-family friends simply asking what, if any, fund-raisers they did while in the process of adopting.  My question was answered by many and I was frankly a little bit shocked by the varying attitudes toward fund-raising that were revealed as a part of that survey.

I feel like I need to put in another disclaimer here.  Both my friend’s family and ours feel 100% sure, without the shadow of a doubt, that we have been called by God to bring the child we are adopting into our families as this child has been ordained by God to be a member of our family.  We also feel 100% sure, without a shadow of a doubt, that God has not called our families to incur substantial financial hardship as a result of His direction.  And that is why we are fund-raising rather than emptying our savings (which wouldn’t be enough in our case anyway), choosing to pull out a credit card or march down to the bank for a loan.  We don’t begrudge anyone who has chosen to do things differently I am again just trying to process information here.

I cannot speak for the other family as I am not privy (nor do I want to be) to their bank account balance or credit card payments, but I can tell you for my own household we are a debt free home, living on a calculated monthly budget, working to build up our emergency savings account while paying our bills on time, saving for future known expenses, and making the tough choices each month about what we will and will not do in order to remain debt free and move closer to financial security for our family’s future.  And through all of this adoption journey we do not hear God’s voice telling us, “Take a huge step backward.  Go into debt and cripple your monthly budget for the next several years to pay back that debt so that you can bring Jack home.”  Now, will we take on debt if the time comes to travel and we are still short of funds?  Yes, we are prepared to face that situation if it arrives, but we are also praying that things will not come to that.  We truly believe and trust that God has brought us safely thus far in this journey and He will complete what He has begun as long as we are faithful in our purpose.   

So, I just have to say that I really don’t see the issue against fund-raising.  If I had access to $27,000 of our own family’s money would I use it?  Absolutely!  I would certainly use our own money if I could and not ask others to help us cover the fees required for our adoption.  But I don’t have that kind of money, nor do the vast majority of people that I know.  So that leaves the average adoptive family to cover the cost in some way and either you go into debt to acquire the money or you get it from other people who don’t expect you to pay it back.  I suppose selling off all of your worldly possessions might be a possibility here as well, but I really don’t see anyone jumping at that as a truly viable option.

It just seems a bit ironic to me that in some ways applying for a grant is more “acceptable” than fund-raising.  Why is that?  How is it better to ask someone to simply hand you the money rather than to offer a service in return for the money someone is willing to share with you?  Whatever happened to good old, hard work and elbow grease?  Why is “free” money more acceptable than “worked for” money?  Now, don’t get me wrong, we’ve applied for grants along the way too – twice in just this adoption – and I have nothing against the grant process, but why is that route viewed as more justified than working for the money you need?

And then there is the whole debt thing.  How is it better to incur debt to reach a financial goal than to ask others to share the burden with you, again in return for providing goods or a service?  I know so many families striving to be debt free, working hard to stay debt free, or living with happy, peaceful hearts because they are debt free – why ruin that if you don’t have to?  And what about the families that aren’t debt free?  The families that already have credit cards or loans to pay off.  Does it make sense for them to take on more debt out of some sort of socially-advanced it’s-your-responsibility peer pressure myth?   I don’t think so.  Romans 13:8 addresses debt by stating, “Let no debt remain outstanding except the continuing debt to love one another…”  It is not God’s intention for anyone to suffer under the weight of debt, this is clearly addressed in both the Old and New Testaments, so why do people think He would provide a family with a path to a child without providing the means to complete the journey without financial strife?

Now I am not saying that every adoptive family should or can accomplish the task of adopting without any lingering expenses or debt.  I am realistic enough to know that this is not realistic.  We came out of Jolene’s adoption right where we started, but we were not so lucky with Becca’s and I am okay with that. And I am certainly not trying to imply that God will make every path smooth as silk as long as you are “faithful”, for that is not promised either.  But I do believe that God is faithful, and I do believe that adoption is God-ordained and that He does not direct us in ways that He will not lead.  And I also believe that if the church is to truly know His heart, it must open itself to the needs of its people.  Adoption is not supposed to take place in isolation.  Adoption is God’s calling for His people and for those who are not called to be the adoptive family, where does this leave them?  In my opinion, it leaves them as the support team.  And how do you support if you are of the opinion an adoptive family is on its own and responsible for its own journey?  Wouldn’t it make more sense for the support team to be actively involved with the process?  Isn't that what is meant when we are encourage to "carry other's burdens" (Gal. 6:2) and reminded that "two are better than one" (Eph 4:9)?

I don’t know, perhaps this is a silly thing to write about.  Perhaps no one will ever even read this last paragraph because everyone stopped reading five minutes ago.  But perhaps just one person will read this all the way through and understand what I am trying to say.  And maybe that one person will see that even though a person may not be in the process of adopting he or she can still play an active roll in the process for someone else by helping them address the astronomical cost of the adoption process – trust me, there is no shortage of families out there in need. And as a very wise woman put it earlier this week, "we should ALL be supporting someone's adoption every month as a part of our normal budget...it's kinda in the Bible!" 

"Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

"Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." Galatians 6:10

"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."  Philippians 2:1-4

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:  If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up."  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10