Making It Fun!

I can't believe it has been almost a week since I posted here on my dear little bloggy thing.  So much has happened that last week seems like a lifetime ago, and yet the time has flown by so quickly that it seems like I was writing my thoughts of missing Jim just yesterday.  This journey of faith we "officially" embarked upon just a mere 10 days ago continues to overwhelm me.  It has daily encouraged me as well as tested the very fibers of my being.  We have seen daily examples of just how big God really is, and been given daily tests of just how much we are willing to trust Him.  I'm happy to say that this has all left us in a place far better than we could have imagined - and I am happy to share the miracles of this past week with you.

Last Friday my day began with that fateful trip to the ER.  It was followed by a morning of straightening up and carpet cleaning, and it produced the blog which is now posted directly below this one.  It wasn't a typical morning given its start, but it certainly wasn't a day I expected to change my life forever.  Yet that is just what it did.

Shortly after composing the draft of my "I Miss Jim" post I received an email from a representative from Show Hope regarding our "No Calorie Bake Sale!"  She had received a copy of the bake sale email from my friend Kathy McKinney, one of the leaders of my China trip, and wanted to know if I would write an article for Show Hope regarding fund raising ideas.  I of course said "yes" and in the email conversation that pursued the Show Hope representative asked me if I would like her to contact CCAI for us with the little bit of identifying information Show Hope had regarding Jim.  The idea being that when we began working with CCAI to try to track down any file that might exist for him this would be a little bit more help.  I said that I had not planned to do this until after I got official notice that our CCAI application had been received and approved, but if she thought it was okay to do so already I was more than happy to accept any help that might be offered.  Show Hope thus provided the information to CCAI.

I'm not exactly sure what I expected to come from this interaction, but I guarantee I was not expecting what transpired.  Remember, we went into this entire adoption trusting that the Lord would provide as He saw fit.  We knew which child our human hearts were desiring, but also understood upfront that finding him might be impossible, that he might not be eligible for international adoption, and might not even have an adoption file.  But we jumped in committed to trying to locate him while praying for God's guidance as to considering other children as well.  Well, that contingency plan, apparently, was never in God's plan.  When CCAI received the bits of information that Show Hope could provide the immediate response was, "We know that child."  As it turns out, Jim's file was sent to CCAI earlier this year and they had subsequently returned it to China in July when they were unable to find a forever family for him.  The Waiting Child representative that received the information email not only recognized Jim and informed us of this past interaction with his file, but immediately went to work searching for the file so that she could request its return.  Unfortunately, the China Center of Adoption Affairs (CCAA) website was down on Friday and she was unable to get into it to search before the close of the business day.  That did not stop her, however, as she tried again late Sunday evening, once the business week had begun again in China, and resumed her search.  At midnight Sunday night, an email was sent to us stating that the file had been found and a request had been made to CCAA to return the file to CCAI for review by an interested family.  Keep in mind, our CCAI application had not even been logged in yet!  This was just days after we had put it in the mail.

By mid-afternoon on Monday, CCAI had logged in our application packet (which had been delivered in Saturday's mail) and had forwarded Jim's file to us for review.  I quickly forwarded the file to my brother, a pediatrician, so that he could review the medical issues as he had for both Jolene and Becca's adoptions.  By dinner time I was simply holding my breath.  We knew this was the child we wanted, and we whole-heartedly understood that there was no way this file should have ended up in our possession in just a matter of hours.  It had literally been less than a week since we put our adoption application in the mail and here we were with the entire file in our hands, able to accept him as our adoptive son-to-be with a few key strokes and an email.  This was unreal!  And yet, it was happening.

On Tuesday I had the opportunity to discuss Jim's medical file with my brother and ask many questions regarding the issues which cause Jim to be labeled "special needs."  As we expected, there was no information found that would cause us to question our decision.  This is the son we want to bring home.  This is the child that God has created for us.  We quickly sent CCAI an email stating just this, and we went to work completing the paperwork necessary to submit our request to China for an official match.  By the grace of God we even had some family friends willing to pay the request fees for us so that money once again was not a factor.  By the end of the day on Wednesday this paperwork was completed and submitted and we are now in the holding pattern of waiting for pre-approval from China which will link us to Jim for adoption on both the U.S. and Chinese sides of the world.  And it has still been just a week from mailing that application.  A search that we originally compared to looking for a needle in a haystack turned out to be one of the best examples ever of God providing the desires of our heart.

Last Friday afternoon I literally jumped up and down in front of my computer when I received our first positive response from CCAI.  By the third or fourth email I was crying.  Overwhelmed does not even begin to describe the emotional roller coaster of processing the news being fed to me one short message at a time.  The enormity of the situation was unreal.  It wasn't supposed to work like this. We didn't even know if he had a file, let alone a file that had already been in the hands of our agency and was able to be found and requested within hours.  We had long passed the point of wondering if this adoption was God's plan, but now there was less and less chance of others doubting His hand in our journey as well.

I know there are those who initially worried that Dan and I were a little bit out of our minds to even consider another adoption.  I know this because a few have been brave enough to tell me.  And that's okay.  As I stated early on in a blog, I too initially found this whole situation a bit on the crazy side.  But as each day passed and brought with it new miracles, connections, and provisions my doubts and concerns were revealed to be exactly what they were - human doubts and concerns among the vastness of God's wisdom.  Those same people who have shared that they doubted, mind you, have listened to the happenings of the past week and, like us, now find Godly intervention impossible to ignore.  There is no way that this is all a fluke.  One coincidence, maybe.  Two or three, probably not.  One or two or three a day, for more than a week - I seriously don't think so. Our God is an awesome God and He truly is in control.

Not one of the people involved in this matching can take an iota of credit for anything falling into place.  We didn't do anything.  We didn't arrange for things to be just right at the right time.  We can merely say that we have tried to listen, we are doing our best to follow, and we are relying on God to keep hold of the reins.  Steps of faith, absolutely!  An exciting journey, you bet!  But we are blessed to know that God is in control, and He so dearly wants us to sit back and enjoy the ride!  When Dan and I first met one of the versus that came up often among our group friends was 2 Corinthians 5:13a.  It states, "If we are out of our minds, it is for the sake of God..."  That verse suits us just as well now as it did 18 years ago.  Crazy?  Maybe.  But that is what makes it fun!

I Miss Jim

I don't know if this is a good topic for a blog or not, perhaps I am simply writing for therapy and will never post it, but I guess if you are reading it I went ahead and clicked "Publish" so here goes.  Today, I miss Jim.  Jim is a little boy that I met while at Maria's Big House of Hope last month.  He is three years old, just over three feet tall, and probably weighs just under thirty pounds.  He has big brown eyes, short brown hair, and a rueful smile.  Rueful that is until you get him to expose just a glimpse of his deeper, hidden side, a side that is revealed when he cracks a smile that shines from ear to ear accompanied by the sweetest giggle that would make even an icy heart melt.  Jim likes toy cars, candy, and the display screen of a digital camera.  Jim has a bike that the staff of Maria's taught him to ride in the first floor hallways.  Jim loves puzzles and responds to the needs of his roommate, Jessica, without her saying a word.  Jim lives at Maria's Big House of Hope because he doesn't have a family, because he hasn't been matched to an adoptive family, and perhaps because his name isn't even in the waiting-to-be-matched paperwork.  Jim is a miracle created for a place called home. And today, I miss Jim.

This morning I spent several hours in the emergency room because I had finally decided to ask for medical help for a severe pain I've had in my lower back all week.  Despite the stabbing feeling I've experienced near my right kidney all week, I had merely gone about my daily routines hoping that this somewhat knee-buckling pain would just go away on its own.  It didn't, and when it woke me up this morning at 4:30 a.m., I suddenly realized I probably needed medical intervention so thus my trip to the ER.  Upon my return I had a friend whom I've been in contact with daily this week tell me, "I didn't even know you were having problems with your back!"  No she didn't, and it wasn't because she wasn't paying attention. She didn't know because I just don't share such things.  Not because I don't want people to know, but just because I don't.  That's part of who I am.  It the suck-it-up and deal with it mentality that I impose upon myself when something just ain't right.  It's not my style to complain and I am happy with that - it is one of those still waters run deep things that I'm pretty sure makes me me. And it is why today I miss Jim.

In case you haven't figured it out, Jim is the little boy that Dan and I would really like to bring home and into our family.  There are a lot of obstacles to overcome and hoops to jump through, and there are no guarantees that we will even be able to track down Jim's paperwork, but still Jim is our hearts' desire.  We pray that Jim is the miracle created for this place, for this home, for this family .  And today I miss Jim.

One night while we were working on our adoption application Dan asked me, "Why Jim?  What drew you to him?"  I had a hard time answering, but tried to explain what the Lord had laid upon my heart.  Somehow I just knew that Jim would fit in here.  I watched him play and couldn't help thinking he would be a perfect fit with our girls.  He is so smart, so quick, so interested in how things fit together.  But ultimately it was his demeanor that simply sucked me in.  He is quiet and cautious, not leery but perhaps a bit skeptical.  The epitome of quiet waters running deep.  When I watched Jim play I couldn't help but want to pick him up out of Maria's and put him back down in the middle of a pile of children all laughing and giggling and jumping on Dad.  To take him outside, give him a soccer ball and watch him run in an open field.  Just watching Jim you can't help but imagine him somewhere else - in a group of children or sitting at the dinner table alive and animated and full of life.  It is like his spirit is just waiting for the opportunity to burst out of his skin and fly free among the beauty of the place for which he was created.  Still waters run deep and there is something deep within Jim, just below the surface that is waiting to appear.

None of that is to say that he is unhappy at Maria's or that he doesn't know laughter and joy in his current situation, he certainly does, but no matter how much love the nurses and nannies and other staff at Maria's lavish upon him he is still an orphan and he is still a child without a place to truly call home.  Would you know that by the look on Jim's face?  I have to say I did.  That introspective demeanor communicated one important thing to me - I am a child well-cared for and loved, but I know there is something more out there, something that I just don't have yet.  Something I was created for.  Something that I am missing.

So, today, as I was cleaning my carpet of all things my mind went wandering to Jim.  As I thought about my own thoughts running deep and quiet, my mind jumped to Jim who spends his days in much the same way.  To Jim who is lucky to be living in the comforting arms of Maria's Big House of Hope, but also to Jim who I cannot reach out and hug today.  To Jim who truly is a miracle, created by a loving Heavenly Father. To Jim who may be without family, but certainly is not forgotten.  To Jim, the child we are willing to search for.  And today, I miss Jim.

Great is His Faithfulness

So, I know that I need to sit down and write up how we got to this place of our newest adoption, but I just can't seem to get there because all this other cool stuff keeps coming up and I just have to share it all.  Or at least as much as I can fit into my little bloggy thing before it gets too long for anyone to stay awake and read.  Ha!

As you know we have really jumped into this thing trusting the Lord to provide the finances.  I have spent many years telling people the story of Jolene's $500 - the money we started her adoption with and was still ours when I unpacked our suitcases after bringing her home, but this time we really don't even have that.  With four children to feed and clothe, our recent journey to freedom from debt (thank you, Dave Ramsey!), and my now stay-at-home status, there just isn't much extra money sitting around in our bank accounts these days.  Don't get me wrong, we are very blessed - Dan makes a good living and we have a comfortable home-life, we just don't have a few extra thousand sitting around for an adoption.  But here we are anyway, in with both feet and flying with no safety net, other than faith that is.  But for those of you who have known us a while, that probably doesn't surprise you.  We've been known to do what the world considers crazy before and the good Lord has yet to let us fall.  And it seems this adventure is no different.

As you may know, last week I spoke with the applications contact person for CCAI (Chinese Children Adoption International) who happily informed me that our family would be able to receive the returning families discount even though we had not adopted through them before simply because we were "returning" to China.  That was fantastic news!  In that one little comment we were saved $500.  A coincidental number?  I think not.  But that wasn't the only good money news we received last week.  While speaking with our homestudy agency, America World Adoption, I learned that because they will only be doing our homestudy and not our full adoption, our application fee with them is only $50 rather than the normal $250.  Another check in the good news column.  Then there was the acquiring of said $50.  Merely out of curiosity (and I'll admit a bit of desperation), I posted several items for sale on the Fort Meade For Sale page of facebook.  What did I sell?  Several small things, all totaling up to a $50 profit.  Once again I ask you, a coincidental number?  Nope, not going with that this time either.  Then there was the next miracle.  We had been working on our CCAI application all week trying to track down numbers from investments, find W-2's that hadn't been unpacked since moving, etc. and though I desperately wanted to get it all done and in the mail I also knew that I didn't have the $200 I needed to pay the application fee so I convinced myself that the delay was some sort of good thing.  Of course, that was followed promptly by a friend from church sending us a check for more than half of the amount needed.  And now we come to today.  We finally finished up our application paperwork and last night I wrote a check that I knew was for more than I had actually come up with to cover the fee.  But I wrote the check anyway and the girls and I took the big envelope to the post office this afternoon.  On the way back we stopped by our mailbox and what did I find?  A refund check from our utility services for $53.  It took me about two seconds to realize that I had gotten a similar check last month and in a split second more I had done the math.  The two checks together made up the exact amount we needed, down to the dollar mind you, to cover that $200 fee.  Creeped out yet?  Kinda spooky, ain't it?  I couldn't even wait until we drove the two blocks home to call Dan so I broke the base-wide hands-free only cell phone rule and called him from the car.  His response?  "Not creepy, Cool!"  Cool indeed.

And I haven't even told you all of it yet, there is still more!  While putting together our virtual bake sale I heard through the grapevine that homemade baked goods aren't actually allowed in the Wounded Warrior units because of sanitary and safety issues.  I was totally bummed.  But I was also hearing from a soldier that the Wounded Warriors love getting homemade food, so I kept saying I was going to do it and continued to try to find the "right" person.  Turns out I found her, but not by any of my own doing.  When I called Walter Reed the switchboard chose to put me through to a colonel's voicemail and that simple act put me in touch with a woman who told me most people spend years trying to track her down. My reward for someone else's switchboard choice - finding the "right" person.  We now have permission to hand out as many homemade items as we sell at our very own table at the Wounded Warriors Oktoberfest event on October 23rd.  And we ended up with a similar situation here at Fort Meade where my request resulted in our being asked to provide our fundraiser purchased muffins as the baked goods needed for the Warriors in Transition family picnic on October 27th.  And here I was worried that we wouldn't be able to deliver on our fundraiser sales.  Ha, silly me!  I'm not quite sure that amazing word is going to be good enough for what the Lord is doing here.  But "something crazy" is definitely a good theme.  And I cannot thank the Lord enough for all He has provided.

Psalm 100 reads:  "Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come into His presence with singing.  Know that the Lord is God. It is He that made us, and we are His; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture. Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name. For the Lord is good; His steadfast love endures forever, and His faithfulness to all generations."  It is here that I find my solace and here that I will draw my strength.  There is no way we could do this on our own, and there is no mistake that He is with us.  I will give thanks to the Lord, and I will bless His name for GREAT is His faithfulness!

All of the joy, None of the calories!

Our first fundraiser is almost ready .  We have to finalize a few things on the money end, but hopefully by this time next week we will be ready to host a virtual bake sale in as many locations as possible.  Sound confusing?  It's not!  It's quite simple actually.  There will be an order form describing each of the items for sale:  chocolate chip, peanut butter, and sugar cookies; a variety of muffins, brownies, etc.  You the buyer decide which items you would like to purchase.  Then, instead of eating up the goods, the food is homemade and freshly delivered to a worthy cause - the Wounded Warriors at Walter Reed, Sarah's House (an emergency homeless shelter for families), a deployed soldier living overseas, and more.  You even have the choice of sending much needed preemie sized diapers to Maria's Big House of Hope all the way in China.  What could be better than that?  All the joy of really shopping with none of the calories of a real bake sale.  Watch here, on facebook and email for official buying power.  In the meantime, if you are interested in helping us out just let me know.  All the baking and delivering will be done on our end so volunteering is really rather easy.  All you have to do is be willing it take an order form, share about our story and keep track of your orders.  So, until then, I'll get back to organizing.  Love you all and thanks for reading my happy little blog.  :)

Making A Liar Out Of Me

I figured that the second time I posted on this blog thing, as I call it with sincere affection, it would be to tell the story of how we actually came to the decision to adopt.  But that just isn't going to happen today.  Instead, I have an incredible story to tell you.  One that amazes me and yet smacks me in the head with a big huge "duh!" at the same time.  On Tuesday afternoon I posted several items on the Fort Meade For Sale page of Facebook hoping that I might make a few dollars to put toward our adoption expenses.  Two days later I had $50 in cash in my hand - the exact amount we need to submit with our homestudy application.  I was shocked, amazed, and quickly reminded that God is faithful and will prove me a fool every time.  But what I didn't know last night was that He wasn't done yet.  This afternoon while having a conversation with a friend about the first fundraiser I am planning, she asked me if we knew how much money we were going to need to raise.  I asked, "Total?  Or just right now?"  I then went on to explain that although the looming total number is really about $20,000 we are taking this thing one little chunk at a time and praying for God's blessings.  I told her our first fundraiser will focus on raising the $2050 we need for our first agency fee and about $2000 we will need to pay for our homestudy.  I then went on to tell her how I had made the $50 I had raised through Facebook and how we figured we would just have to manage paying the $200 agency application fee out of our savings.  But that was before I checked the mail.  As I pulled our stack of envelopes out of our mailbox tonight I was surprised to see an envelope hand addressed to me.  Surprised more when I saw that it was from a friend I've met through church at our Wednesday morning playgroup.  At first I thought it was a thank you note, but then I couldn't figure out what this friend would be thanking me for so I started to open the envelope even though it was 9 pm and the only light around came from the sparse streetlights in our neighborhood.  Then I started to laugh.  This sweet, wonderful woman had written me a note to say that she wanted to donate to our adoption expenses and was including a check for the amount of money she would earn this week babysitting her niece.  Have I mentioned the word "amazed" yet?  God is truly amazing.  Stupid little me had already resigned to fail, accepted that God would not provide and was ready to throw in the towel on something so silly as $200.  What was I thinking?  Won't I ever learn?  My friend's generosity won't pay that first fee in full, but it is definitely a huge step in the right direction and it makes me excited to see how God is going to amaze me next.  Just when I think I'm so in control He has no problem at all making a liar out of me.  And I am thankful that He does!

This Is Home...

Each one of our children has a song associated with her - a song that was chosen based upon the events surrounding her addition to our family.  As I began this blog I wanted to title it "Something Crazy" to put to use the Steven Curtis Chapman song we have so joyously associated with this newest adoption.  But as I tried and tried to get this silly blog thing to let me use some variation of the lyrics as my url address I stumbled upon another song that seemed a better title for this blogging endeavor.  A song entitled "This is Home".  As I watched its video on youtube, out of mere curiosity mind you, one line seemed to jump off the computer screen and get stuck in my brain.  "Created for a place I've never known..."  What a wonderful expression of the journey our son-to-be is on.  Beyond a shadow of a doubt, he has been created just like that - for a place he has yet to know.  A place the Lord has provided for him to run to.  A place called home.  I will share the complete lyrics of the song below so that you might see the thought in context, or you may do what I did and watch the lyrics roll by on youtube, but however you choose to experience them I encourage you to remember this...  Each one of us has been created by our Heavenly Father for a place we have yet to know, a place we will eternally call home.  A place where there are no orphans, where there are no diseases, no sorrows, no fears.  A place that we call home and that we long to find at the end of this life.  For after all our searching and after all our questions once we arrive we will not turn back.  As the song states, we are all miracles and we are not alone. Our little boy is out there somewhere, somewhere amidst his searching and the memories, but I pray that he has peace and the comfort of knowing that he too has been created for a place he's never known.  Someday a place with the Heavenly Father, but until then a place with us.  We love you little one and we are coming to get you.  This is home.

This Is Home - Switchfoot
I've got my memories always inside of me
But I can't go back, back to how it was.
I believe you now, I've come too far
No I can't go back, back to how it was.
Created for a place I've never known
      Chorus:
           This is home
           Now I'm finally where I belong (where I belong)
           Yeah, this is home
           I've been searching for a place of my own
           Now I've found it
           Maybe this is home
           Yeah, this is home
Belief over misery, I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back, back to how it was
And I got my heart set on what happens next
I got my eyes wide, it's not over yet
We are miracles and we're not alone
      Chorus
And now after all my searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see the sunset
I'm gonna call it home
      Chorus
Now I know, yeah, this is home.
I've come too far and I won't go back
Yeah, this is home.