So there is a debate going on right now among the members of a yahoo chat group I belong to, a group for families who have either already adopted from Jack’s orphanage or are in the process of doing so. What is the debate about, you ask? Well, it is about whether or not adoptive families should use outside resources to send care packages or gifts to the children they are waiting to bring home.
The basic gist is this… When we received our match packet for Jack (the official paperwork from our adoption agency linking Jack to us as our future adoptee) it contained instructions for how to send a care package to him if we so desired. The process requires us to send a copy our Pre-Approval Letter (an official document received from China stating that they have accepted our Letter of Intent asking to adopt Jack); a copy of a provided form letter to the orphanage director explaining who the package is for, whether we want the items to come home with Jack or eventually be donated to the orphanage, etc.; and to use the provided direct mailing address of the orphanage director. We were also provided with several common phrases written in both Chinese and English that we can affix to different items in the package so that the contents, including pictures, can arrive with some meaning – “our house”, “your room”, “for you to share”, “for the nannies”, etc. We are asked to make the package no larger than a standard shoe box, and proper custom forms must be filled out at the post office - not a big deal, just a form stating what is in the box.
The process is pretty cut and dry and relatively easy to follow, but many families opt to send items in other ways. It seems some make this choice because of the time factor – it seems faster to deal with someone in-country rather than mailing a box from the United States. It seems some make this choice because of the items they want to send – they want something more practical for their child, like fresh fruits and vegetables, rather than toys purchased at Wal-Mart or Target. And it seems some make this choice because it feels more intimate to have something from China delivered rather than something shipped in from America. There are many people on the China side who offer delivery services of various items such as blankets, food, clothing, cakes, etc., so it is not difficult to find a provider, and some such deliveries offer a chance that you might receive pictures of the delivered items in the hands of your child. The current debate, however, has arisen as our agency just sent out a message strongly urging waiting families to not take part in any of these services as “The CCAA strictly limits contact between orphanages and agencies, and having a third party in there can seriously jeopardize an already delicate and sensitive situation.”
The response to this plea has been interesting to say the least. A few comments have centered on following the rules and stating that the usage of these outside services will not be used by the responding family. Others have openly commented that CCAI (our agency) is being too strict in this stance and that these services have been used by numerous families without having ill effects on the process thus far and therefore do not truly need to be avoided. And then there are the middle of the road folks who voice understanding of the directive, who may or may not have used such a service in the past, and don’t really commit to using or avoiding them in the future. An interesting discussion to be sure, but one I never ran across in our previous adoptions.
You see, all this care package stuff is really quite new to me. The Waiting Child Program, the adoption process for special needs children, is quite different than the waiting involved for a healthy child from China so it has different issues involved. When we were waiting for Jolene and Becca we didn’t know yet who they were, where they were, or even when we might be provided with such information. While waiting for a healthy child referral from China most families tend to be more pregnancy-minded focusing on nursery decorations, name selection, gift registries, etc. This time of waiting is very similar to waiting for the birth of a child you simply have no official due date. With the Waiting Child Program, however, that is all different as the children being placed are often identified at the beginning of the adoption process and linked by family selection of a child rather than referral by CCAA. This is evident in our situation with Jack. We know exactly who he is, where he is and it is only the “when” that is left up in the air. Thus the involvement of care packages.
Once we received referrals for the girls we had the option to send a care package to each of them, but we did not do it as we would be traveling so soon it didn’t seem worth it. At that point, we weren’t sure it would ever get to the girls, they were both infants so in all likelihood they really wouldn’t know that something was sent anyway, and we chose to spend the money instead on items we could carry with us on our trip to bring them home. This time, things are very different. We have no idea when we will be traveling but do know who our child is so sending care packages really is a lifeline between us and our son. Jack is definitely old enough to know and understand when a box arrives for him, as is proven by the last pictures we were blessed to receive before he left Maria’s Big House – the ones with him wearing his new pajamas and holding the stuffed dog we sent. And since the entire adoption process is really out of our hands at this point, as we are simply waiting for various government agencies to move our paperwork through their systems, sending care packages is really the only active connection we have to our little boy living on the other side of the world.
And that is exactly the position all of these other waiting families are in. These families aren’t waiting for a referral to come so that the identity and whereabouts of their child may be revealed. They already know. They have already seen pictures. They have read their child’s file. They have received updates from an orphanage, know their child’s name and age, his or her intimate medical issues, and have perhaps even more information about their child than we will ever know about either one of our Chinese daughters. And yet these same families are stuck on this side of the world waiting for permission from two very different governments to travel and meet in person this little boy or girl that they so desperately love that they are willing to jump through all the hoops involved in an international adoption. And while they wait, they want to connect. They want to somehow let that child know that he has a family that loves him. That is in love with her. A family that is moving mountains to bring that child home. And so they try to create the best connection they can. They make decisions about what to send, how to send it, and how to respond to directives stating what should and shouldn’t be done. And I can understand the inner battle many of them face. Am I willing to break the rules and risk being that one inter-country interaction that causes an issue or creates ill-will in the adoption world? Those of you who know me already know the answer to that. I am a rule follower. I believe rules are created for a reason and that respect for guidelines is imperative if order is to be maintained, but that doesn’t mean I think badly of the families making different choices than I would.
This adoption thing is both a blessing and a curse. Loving a child you have most likely never met so much that you would fight for him or her is nothing short of a miracle and I would encourage anyone with a heart for adoption to jump on board and start fighting. Despite what you think, there is nothing “special” about people who choose to go down this road. It is simply a choice to stand up for what the Lord puts on your heart and trust that He will finish what He starts. But I can promise you that if you choose to go this route, along the road there will be hard decisions to make, tough questions to be answered, and tests of your faith that may leave you questioning exactly what you have gotten yourself into. The pros and cons of sending a care package through the US Post Office or through a third party organization may seem like such a trivial little matter, but when such a package is the only contact you may have with your child for the next three or five or ten months, suddenly nothing seems more important and your perspective about everything else changes because of it. For in the grand scheme of things, it really isn’t about who delivers what, or what your child thinks about the items included. It is about showing love to a child who did nothing to deserve it and yet will be changed irrevocably because you showed it. Just like God did for you.
It doesn’t really matter how the gospel gets from one person to the next, whether it goes the direct route or through a third party along the way. What matters is that God loved each of us so much He was willing to fight the fight to bring us home and to adopt us into His family. I know I certainly don’t deserve this gift, do you? And I certainly don’t deserve the inheritance that comes with it, but He loves me anyway. God sent me the ultimate care package – salvation through Jesus Christ. And He sent it simply because He loves me. He didn’t worry about who was going to make the ultimate delivery, He simply provided His Son as the ultimate conduit. And the best part… He sent you the same gift. Have you received it yet?
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing Christ. For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will – to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves. Ephesians 1:3-6
